2009 in Review

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Wonderful Kwanzaa, Jolly Saturnalia, and a Most Joyous Festivus to all of you! Let me start by thanking everyone for their feedback on the comedy debut, whether it be positive, honest, or the preferred choice, both! As mentioned, I really enjoyed doing it, and I am hoping to get up there again very soon. I am tentatively penciled in for Jan. 10, but my schedule is crazy in January, so I will let you know as soon as I do. Speaking of January, part of what will make that month so crazy is several job interviews and starting my last semester at USF. But before we can look forward, we have to look back. Thus, I've decided to review my 2009, putting it in simplest terms with little to no explanation, in an effort to make it much shorter and relatively funnier.

January: Who the hell remembers?!? It was 12 months ago!
February: Interviewed at Kennesaw State, Pick up guitar, Sprained my ankle playing soccer
March: Did not get job at Kennesaw State, resprained ankle by coming back too soon, March sucks
April: Met Abby
May: Several friends graduated from the program, Most move, Becca stayed
June: Summer begins, Cavs eliminated from Playoffs, Put down guitar, Greg and Xtina move, You bastards
July: Abby and I travel to Ohio, Ankle finally healthy enough to play soccer again, Indians eliminated from playoffs (basically), Decide to start writing jokes for eventual standup, Move in with Abby, Get first job offer at Middle Tennessee State
August: Turn down first job offer, Move out of apartment with Abby and into first own apartment, Browns eliminated from playoffs (might have well been), Start teaching research methods
September: Travel to Ohio, One of best friends weds my former girlfriend, Many jokes are written
October: I turn 28, Son of a Bitch, I sprain ankle again, Son of a Bitch, Interview with Hastings and Angelo State, Get eliminated from said job openings, Son of a Bitch!
November: Go to Puerto Rico for conference, Interview with Creighton
December: Interview with Fairleigh Dickinson, Prep for future interviews with Central Michigan and Houston-Clear Lake, Do first Open-Mic, Hilarity Ensues

Making with the Funny

By popular demand, here is the video of my comedic debut. The first joke gets cut off just a bit and you may have to turn it up to make sure you can hear, but overall, its good quality for a camera phone in the last row. Personally, I think the set hits it stride about midway, but I'll let you be the judge. I put the URL at the bottom in case you want to watch it directly on YouTube or send it to other people, let's take this thing viral! Oh, and Debbie and Derek, you know I love, but the wedding was self-admittedly a funny and awkward situation, how could I not put it in my act! Nothing but love for you both. :) I hope everyone enjoys it, and if you don't, give me a break, it was my first try!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLY8NFVTQok

That was Pretty F-ing Sweet!

So last night was my first attempt at standup comedy in front of a real audience (see picture of me, standing up, in front of other people, hereafter labeled “the audience”). I would say there were about 70 people in the crowd when I went up, my set end up being about 5 minutes long, and without sounding too cocky, considering it was my first time, I killed it! Here is a short reason list of reasons of why I loved every minute of last night:

1) I finally really got up there and did it. I got that first performance monkey off of my back. Considering I announced that I was going to start doing standup comedy on June 23^rd (see blog archive…I can’t believe it was that long ago, I thought for sure it was like in September!), I am glad I waited this long. I really did the necessary prep work, worked on my material and delivery, and was really ready when the time came. I got a lot of feedback and ideas from a lot of people during that time, and I thank everyone who had a hand in this with all of my heart!

2) Despite being nervous and excited (who wouldn’t be?), I was poised and had a strong, steady voice while I was up there. I hit almost all the punchlines I wanted to, didn’t forget anything, and didn’t have any major pauses, verbal or otherwise.

3) Despite having at least 10 other people from the area who wanted to come but could not, I had 20 people show up to support me. My friends freaking rock! Most of the other performers only had the requisite 4 people needed to take the stage.

4) People laughed. Seems like a small thing, but considering the goal of anyone who gets up there is to entertain people, you don’t know how good it feels to have an audience really feeling what you are throwing out there. And those that were there know that some of the other performers were not as lucky…we had a couple of real tank jobs up there.

5) Several of other open-mic performers, the MC, and the open mic director all told me I did a great job.

6) The headliner of the night, Pretty Pauly Parsons, a vulgar and mostly hilarious old man who was performing in the main dining room later in the night, came up to me immediately after I got off the stage and said, and I quote, “Great mothaf*$#ing set, man. Seriously.”

7) The MC, who you could tell was funny but was not having the best night in terms of generating laughs, came up to introduce the next performer, and said, “What's up? My name is Joe Mazzola…what? I got to take laughs anyway I can get them!”

8) Last, but certainly not least, I was one of the two people chosen by audience applause to make it to the Opportunity Knox round for an opportunity to win a trip to Knoxville for the Sidesplitters final. Now, a couple things about that. First, I can’t even perform in the show I qualified for because it’s the 26^th of this month, and I will be in Ohio. But the manager seemed genuinely disappointed that I couldn’t make it, and he said there were some other events coming up, and they would try to get me back soon to do a set. Second, I realize I won in part because I brought 20 people. J But I really was one of the better sets of the night, and plenty of people other than just my friends were cheering for me when the voting was going on. This was also evident when I told the other lady who won that I couldn’t make the next show it but wished her good luck. She turns to me, and says, “I wish I could say I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m really glad you won’t be there.”

As a final note, I can’t describe the rush it was being up there. I’ve always thought of teaching as a type of performance as well, and it definitely gives me a natural high, but doing comedy was like that times 10. For those of you worried, no, I am not going to quit my day job (I still love teaching and academia, and in fact, I should have a job interviews' update posted in the next week or so). But it is nice to know that I have a little (probably very little) talent in stand-up. I can see this as a real hobby for me, and possibly as a way to make a little (probably very little) extra money on the side some day.

Alright, for those that were hoping for a video of the performance. I promise I will have that up here tomorrow for sure. I think I have tracked down a video of the actual performance, and I am waiting to get that and make sure it can actually be heard. If it works, I will post that tomorrow. If not, I will post the practice I did in front of my computer before the show, but fingers crossed for the real thing!

The Show Has Almost Arrived…

Well, it took longer than I thought it would, but it looks like it will finally happen. On Wednesday, December 16^th, at Sidesplitters in Tampa, I will make my comedic debut at an open mic. It is only a 6 minute set, but it will be my first performance with an audience of more than 10. For those of you in Tampa, that is awesome news because you get to come out and see me, plus other young comics and Pretty Paul Parsons, for only $5! I need to have at least 4 fans come to be able to go on stage, so let me know if you are definitely going or planning on going. The show starts at 6:30pm, but I have to be signed in at 6pm, and if anyone wants to ride with me or meet at my place first, let me know. For those of you who want to attend, go to the link below, click on the Dec. 16^th Open Mic show, and buy tix. The promo code to get the $5 tickets is ‘DOMINOS’.

http://www.sidesplitterscomedy.com/calendar.asp

In honor of my first show, I decided to share some “Ruminations” with you that I have been posting the last few months. What are ruminations, you ask? They are short, funny observations (250 words or less), and there is website where people post them hosted by comedian Aaron Karo and inspired by his bi-weekly column. Some of you may have even got a chain email that had several of these ruminations (such as, why doesn’t Google have an ‘avoid ghetto’ feature?), although they were not appropriately labeled and credited to their true authors. You can find these and more at ruminations.com, if you are interested. So here are some of my posts to the site, some funnier than others. And don’t worry possible show-goers, I took out any punch lines that might be part of the set next week.

-When I see little kids running around like crazy at Target, I think their parents should rein those brats in. Of course, when I was a kid, I used to turn the clothes racks into my own little forts. But that's different...because my Mom was the best!

-When I was a kid, I couldn't figure out how libraries stayed in business.

-I saw a recent NBA injury report that listed a player being out with a "glute contusion"...that's the nicest way I've ever heard of to say "ass bruise".

-"Why does love always feel like a battlefield?" What a profound statement, Jordin Sparks. If only someone else had thought of that metaphor, oh, I don't know...25 years ago!

-The upper limit for cat ownership is 2. Anything over that, and you automatically become a crazy cat person.

-Shaving from a full beard to clean shaven should be a process that includes no less than 3 different ridiculous beard/mustache combinations.

-Do you suppose the Trojan Horse was anatomically correct? If not, they totally missed out, they could have fit 5-6 more soldiers in that thing.

-A friend just posted a Facebook status about what a great time he is having on his beach vacation. What happened to the days when a vacation actually meant getting away from technology and constant communication for awhile?

-I have a theory that once you get a neck tattoo, you have narrowed down your possible careers to NBA basketball player, rapper, or mechanic. On a positive note, I am much more confident in my mechanic's ability if he has a neck tattoo.

-Yesterday, I had to slam on my brakes, and I instinctively put my arm across the case of beer in the passenger seat to protect it as if it was my kid. I can't decide if this bodes well for my future children or not.

Ridiculous Music for Your Listen Pleasure?

I made this CD a while back, but I figured I would make it public and give you all a chance to judge and mock me (as well as possibly download these songs and enjoy their ridiculousness). There are 4 basic rules to make it onto this CD: a) the song has to be ridiculous, I think this is self-explanatory, and if you know any of these songs, you know what I am talking about, b) only one song per artist, c) the artist was serious when they wrote the song…yes, many Tenacious D songs are ridiculous, but Jack Black meant them to be that way, so they don’t count!, and d) at some level or in some particular mood, I enjoy the song, I realize that probably none of these songs are musically good, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a time or place when they can be enjoyed. That’s it, hope you enjoy and agree. Also, this is not a ranking of the songs, just all the songs that made the cut to be on this playlist, and the particular order I decided to put them in for listening purposes.

1. Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up: White dude, deep voice, trench coat…how can you go wrong?!?! Special shout out to Greg, Xtina, and Rossi for this song’s involvement in one of the craziest nights/mornings we have ever known!

2. Billy Ocean - Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car: Sure, could have gone with ‘When the Going Get Tough’, but this song is just more fun.

3. Night Ranger – Don’t Tell Me You Love Me: That’s right, the OTHER Night Ranger song!

4. Starship – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now: That’s right, the OTHER Starship song.

5. Styx – Mr. Roboto – “Domo Arigoto, Mr. Roboto”

6. Toto – Africa: Forget being ridiculous and good, this song is just downright good! It has strangely survived the passage of time…and I have no idea how or why.

7. Paperboy – Ditty: A classic 90s “rap” song, which makes me long for the days when rap had a real beat, true rhymes, and quality lyrics, and didn’t just yell “ho”, “bitch”, and “yeah” for 3 and a half minutes.

8. Bel Biv Devoe – Poison: This song invokes very vivid memories of grade school “skating parties”. If you don’t know what one of those is, I am sad for you and whatever sad town you grew up in.

9. Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up: Another 90s classic.

10. Corey Hart – I Wear My Sunglasses at Night: Now forever associated with “My New Haircut”, but nonetheless, makes me smile whenever I hear it.

11. Poison – Cry Tough: There had to be a Bret Michaels song on here somewhere, this one is about as ridiculous as it gets.

12. Richie Sambora – Rosie: Who you might ask? This is the guitarist from Bon Jovi during his brief, and not very illustrious, solo career.

13. Steve Perry – Oh Sherrie: “Steeeevveee Perry!..Dude, I said no more Journey psycho-outs!” Speaking of random solo careers, the lead singer of Journey really belts out his only “hit”.

14. Mr. Mister – Broken Wings: “What? I can’t flex the golden pipes? It’s inspirational.” “This isn’t the venue.”

15. Cutting Crew – (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight: “…it must have been something you said, I just died in your arms tonight!” Oh yeah!

16. TQ – Westside: This is about as sappy a tribute to 90s gangsta rap as you could possibly imagine.

17. Gerard McCann – Cry Little Sister: A ridiculous song in its own right, but also the theme song for one of the most ridiculous movies of all time: Lost Boys. (You may be asking yourself, is that the Corey's I see below, looking all sexy and awesome [and relatively not coked-out] in all of their 80's glory?!?! You're goddamn right it is!)

18. Wham –Last Christmas: I love this song, and I listen to it year round. I don’t care who knows it!

19. Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is: “…I want you to show me!”

20. Air Supply – Making Love Out of Nothing At All: If you’ve heard this song, you know why.

21. Barry Manilow – Ready to Take a Chance Again: “So if you want to be with him, you get back on that phone and you call Barry Manilow, and you tell him how you feel!”

Dorm Daze

The other day I was jogging through campus, and I had a nostalgic moment I never thought I would have. I was looking at the dorm rooms, and I realized I would never live in that environment again. Here I am, finally living in my own apartment (which I still love!), about to really set out on my own, and I am reminiscing about being cramped into a 10’ x 6’ room with another person?!? But if you really think about it, they were simpler times. You had to worry about getting grades, getting alcohol, getting chicks (or dudes, depending on your sex and persuasion), and occasionally getting sleep. That was it! I could list the things most of us have to worry about these days, but it would push all of the posts below this one off of the page and into the archives! So, as a tribute to dorm living, here are the best parts that I remember (and trust me, at this point, I just barely remember them) from living in a college dorm. For the sake of nostalgia, we will only be mentioning the fun parts of dorm living, and completely ignoring the tedious, annoying, and sometimes horrific parts of it. If you’d like, please add your own glorious memories in the comments section!

-When you were hungry, you didn’t go to the grocery store or have to figure out what to cook, you walked to the nearest dining hall and likely ordered something fried. Often times it was in your very own dorm!

-If you were really hungry, you microwaved some Easy Mac or Ramen Noodles. Vitamins and actual Nutritional Content be damned!

-Girls who didn’t eat enough to use up the entire minimum meal plan. They would be left with $200 at the end of the semester that had to be spent on food, and they would take you to buy a year's supply of Gatorade, Protein Bars, and Moon Pies…ok, maybe not Moon Pies, no one actually eats those.

-Coed dorms. ‘Nuff said.

-Ok, not ‘nuff said. The occasional sight of a girl in a towel walking from the bathroom to her room. Call me a perv if you want, but if you were a guy, you looked, and you enjoyed it too. And if you were girl, you know a part of you liked that we were looking. I don’t remember there being any rule against bringing your clothes or pajamas into the bathroom to change into afterwards, but I could be mistaken. (Completely unnecessary and gratuitous picture of cute girl in towel directly below.)

-Shower shoes…don’t know why, just miss them.

-The walk of shame. If you didn’t make at least one of these, you didn’t really attend college, despite what your diploma might say.

-Being able to walk down the hall to the common area, courtyard, wherever and find a conversation, a game of euchre, or whatever.

-The recruiting and organizing of a volleyball/football/drinking game was the matter of maybe 5 minutes.

-Being 5 feet away from one of your best friends, even he was messy, annoying, and typically slept with a noisy knee-mover contraption because he couldn’t seem to stop blowing out his ACL (you know who you are).

-Typing AIM (can’t believe we used ever used that antiquated technology) messages to said roommate when he was directly behind me and talking for 2 hours before going to sleep because we had the same wacky and random sense of humor and, as previously mentioned, sleep was a luxury, not a necessity.

-The male equivalent to an air freshener: Window open, fan pointed in, drier sheet on the back of the fan.

-Setting up your room to maximize that 10’ x 6’ space. I typically took control of this, and I think I was actually pretty damn good at it.

-Playing “how many beers can fit in a mini-fridge”…our record was 150, it looked like a Dr. Dre video in there!

-Drinking as much as you could before going to the bars because we did not have the legal ability and/or financial means to purchase any alcohol at the bar.

-College! I love teaching class, and I know its easy to be nostalgic about tests and lectures now that I am on the other side. But trust me, its easier to take a test than to write a fair one, not to mention making sure that you effectively teach everything that is going to be on it.

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...

With apologies to the episode of Family Guy that I borrowed this from, as well as both Mark Barlow and Andy Rooney, whom they stole the concept from in the first place, I thought it would be fun to vent some random (and hopefully funny) people, places, and things that annoy me. If you personally do or are responsible for anything that shows up on this list, cut it the f*ck out!

1. People who wear sandals/flip-flops to the gym. Seriously, how much can you really accomplish anything with something other than tennis shoes. I usually spend much of the time they are there hoping that they severely twist an ankle or drop a heavy weight on their foot.

2. People who wear any/way to much cologne/perfume to the gym. Who are you trying to impress? It’s a gym! If you are doing it correctly (which would lead to you looking and feeling better, and then being able to impress people when it might matter), you are going to be sweaty and stink. Sorry, it’s the nature of a good workout. Meanwhile, I have to spend my entire workout trying to hold my breath, kind of hard to do when you are working out hard.

3. Female stand-up comedians. I’m sorry, but with very limited exceptions, they are not very funny. I have no explanation for this phenomenon. (FYI, the person pictured below is NOT one of those exceptions).

4. Poorly timed traffic lights. If you want me to follow traffic laws, you need to create a left turn arrow at a busy intersection that allows more than 2 cars to go through legally!

5. Camera-enforced lights. While we are on the subject, if I try to sneak through a red light, and a cop has been sitting there, and I get tagged, I’m alright with that. Kudos to him, he won a most excellent game of hide-n-seek. However, if I am able to make it through said intersection, and no such officer is there to immediately punish me, there is no way in hell they should have the right to cowardly send me a ticket several weeks later.

6. The general lack of turn signals used these days. When did common courtesy and safety go out of style? I didn’t get that memo. Apparently nowadays, you can just go ahead and start a slow turn in front of me, and its my responsibility to determine that this is what you are doing before we collide, and you sue me for whiplash that didn’t actually occur.

7. Shady ambulance chasing lawyers. I saw a commercial the other day where a lawyer says “just because you didn’t report an injury at the scene, doesn’t mean you can’t get the compensation you deserve.” Translation: “Just because you weren’t shady enough to make up an injury right after your accident, its not too late to swindle someone out of their hard earned money!”

8. People who take more than their allotted amount of seat or armrest on a plane. When I pay for a seat, I am entitled to at least one armrest and all the hypothetical space in front of and above my seat. Which means there is no reason your elbows should be 3 inches past what I am graciously calling your armrest.

9. The BCS system. If I was TCU, I would be pissed that I might go undefeated against a solid schedule and have absolutely zero chance of making the national championship. If I was Boise State, I would be pissed that I could go undefeated and not even make a BCS bowl, especially after beating Oklahoma the only time they were granted such a “privildege’!

10. People who don’t agree with me on these issues! I stayed with pretty safe subjects this time around; just wait until next time I pull out this theme! J

Top 15 Long Songs

So I really am trying to post more, but I have been busy as hell! One of the things I have been busy with is preparing for a conference in Puerto Rico, and I will be leaving for said conference very very early Thursday morning. This is actually one of the busiest conferences I’ve ever had (of course that happens when its in PR!), but rest assured I will find some time to enjoy the weather, area, and the country. But, nonetheless, I owe all of you a good post, and I’ve been working on this post of the best 15 long songs for awhile. I am qualifying long as being at least 7:25 long, as the iTunes flies, and should not have a shorter, more popular version available. Enjoy! J

15. Cartel – A (9:45): From Cartel’s amazing CD, “Chroma”. It is kind of mash-up of all the songs on the album, so if you don’t want to listen to the whole album (which you should!), you could just listen to this.

14. Crazy Game of Poker – O.A.R. (8:43): A pretty good and entertaining song, that has special meaning because O.A.R. is from Ohio, and they were just getting known locally when I was a freshman in college. This song was also a popular party song in Bowling Green, leading to my friends and I to laugh and look down on the underclassmen when were seniors, “Look at them, they think this song just came out!”

13. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird (9:11): Besides being an incredible song that is both critically and popularly loved, it is played during a pivotal scene in “Forrest Gump”, definitely a top 50 movie.

12. Don McLean – American Pie (8:32): Not even necessarily one of my favorite song, and definitely not my favorite Don McLean song. But it has great lyrics, and who hear hasn’t sung this song while drunk with like 15 other people.

11. Oasis – D’you Know What I Mean (7:43): A very underappreciated song by Oasis because it was on the album after “What’s the Story, Morning Glory?”. Nonetheless, great song, and not a second wasted throughout the 7+ minutes.

10. Tool – Lateralus (9:24): There were less Tool songs to choose from than I thought (my favorites tended to be in the 5-6 minutes range). That doesn’t make this song any less deserving, as it is one of their best will never cease to pump me up and mess with my head (as do most Tool songs)

9. Metallica – One (7:25): A classic, and the shortest song on the list. Thought about getting rid of it just to make the requirement higher, but just couldn’t do it. Too classic, too awesome, and has probably one of the best guitar solos ever (which was the bane of my existence when I played Guitar Hero!)

8. Something Corporate – Konstantine (9:36): Great lyrics for the entire 9+ minutes; it reads more like a poem than a song. “This is because I can spell confusion with a ‘k’ and I can like it.” “And I was thinkin’, what I was thinkin’, we’ve been drinking and it doesn’t get me anywhere.”

7. Bob Dylan – Hurricane (8:32): I love songs that tell a story, and special bonus for telling the story of one of the great racial injustices of our time.

6. Oasis – Champagne Supernova (7:28): I didn’t realize how long Oasis’s songs were until I did this! What can say about Champagne Supernova except that it is an absolute classic…especially for us 90’s brats. So where were you while we getting high?

5. Guns N’ Roses – November Rain (8:57): Should it not make the list because its really two great songs in one, or should it be more exalted for having two separate but both amazing intertwined sections. I go with the latter, and not much gets as excited musically then when that rhythms switches to the 2^nd half.

4. Pink Floyd – Us & Them (7:50): Again, surprised to not find more Pink Floyd songs on the list, but I think it just seems that all their songs are long because their albums all flow into one coherent song. This is one of my favorites, off a nostalgic album for me (Dark Side of the Moon), which always brings back great memories and one funny but bad one.

3. Green Day – Jesus of Suburbia/City of the Damned (9:08): A testament to the fact that not only is the rock opera not dead, but that Green Day can do it as well as anyone! “I read the graffiti in the bathroom stalls, like the holy scripture of the shopping malls.”

2. Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven (8:02): Really not a whole lot I can say here, simply one of the best songs of all-time, and is slowly chipping away at “Going to California” as my favorite Led Zeppelin song. Pretty sure I could listen to song on loop for a few hours and enjoy every minute of it.

1. Relient K - Deathbed (11:05): I have already extolled the virtues of this song. Somehow, it is fun, depressing, profound, and nonsensical, all at the same time. And if you are into Christianity, its got the extra bonus of being about God! In this song, it’s even a nice touch for us heathens. I could put up all the lyrics, its that good, but I’ll use this gem: “By ‘47, I was 14. I developed a taste for liquor and nicotine. I smoked until I threw up, yet I still l lit them up for 30 more years, like a machine. So right there you have it, that one filthy habit, is what got me where I am today.”

Eight Things From the Last Month

s I’ve been told and you may have noticed, I have not posted a blog entry in quite some time. I have been pretty busy (more on that to come), but I will not let this blog go the way of so many of my others so I will fight through and make sure I post periodically. Look for a NBA preview and a music related post in the semi-near future. In the meantime, here are 8 things you may have missed in my life, TV, sports, and the world in general, in no particular.

1. The Browns are terrible. – I know, shocking, right? They are really bad, and I am unsure if they are even heading in the right direction. They have no quarterback, very few playmakers, and the few exciting players (i.e. D’qwell Jackson, James Davis) are already out for the season. To make matters worse, they won’t pay Josh Cribbs, the only guy on the whole roster with explosiveness and the ability to make plays happen. On the bright side, at least they squeezed an ugly win out of Buffalo so we can’t match the Lions ineptitude from last year.

2. Real World/Road Rules Challenge is back. – I have previously extolled the virtues of RR/RW Challenge in this space. This season is even better, starting off with the love pentagon: Wes’s ex-fiancé, Johanna, got with Kenny on the last challenge, while Wes is now with Kelly-Anne, who briefly dated Cohutta, who is also on the current challenge as well. Meanwhile, Tonya is her usual train wreck self, to the point that I think MTV is morally irresponsible for putting on these shows, basically encouraging her to drink and spiral out of control. Of course, it brings in the viewers, including myself, so I guess decency be damned.

3. A Totally Awesome Birthday Party – Had a bunch of friends come out for my 28^th birthday celebration to one of my favorite bars, O’Brien’s. I think in all, about 35+ people came and went, to the point that the bartenders asked who we were and why everyone seemed to know each other. Some laughed, some cried, some hurled…everything I would expect from my friends to make it a fantastic night. I can’t think of a better way to spend what is likely my last Tampa b-day, and thanks to everyone who made me feel so loved that day.

4. Job Search – Speaking of leaving Tampa, the job search is in full swing. I have about 15 applications out, and I will probably send out 10-15 more next month. There have been more ads to come out then I expected, so that is a good thing. This is one of activities that is keeping me busy, but it’s obviously worth it. No real news on getting any interviews or callbacks, but that should be coming soon. I will keep everyone posted.

5. Funny TV Shows – Finally caught up to current episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory is better than ever, and 30 Rock just started back up. I’ve come to realize there are very few good comedy shows on TV right now, but the ones that are good, are really, really good.

6. Cavs’ Season Starts in 4 Days – With Browns sucking and the Indians’ season basically ending in June, I am excited to watch a good (possibly great) Cleveland team play for a change. Not sure how long it will take me to get used to Shaq in wine and gold, but hopefully it won’t be long. More on this in my soon-to-come NBA preview.

7. Teaching Research Methods – Another responsibility that has kept me quite busy. As previously mentioned, this class has been more work than I anticipated. Looking back with the class over half over, I feel like I did a surprisingly good job for my first time teaching the class (we will see if the evaluations bear this out, or if they are full of inappropriate advances). Nonetheless, I also see a lot places I can improve it next time, and I look forward to getting that chance next semester or in my future job.

8. fun. – I haven’t been able to acquire a lot of music lately, and I will have some fuller music posts soon, but if you are a fan of music, you should really check out the band “fun.”. The lead singer is the former singer of The Format, one my favorite underappreciated bands. They have a very unique and fun sound that, despite being somewhat indie/emo, has mass appeal.

That’s it for now, y’all. Hope to start posting more often soon, but time will tell as I still have teaching, job apps, dissertation, and a conference to prepare for. Have a great weekend, and go Cavs!

YouTube Video of the Day...Plus Picks!

If you haven't seen this video yet, its pretty damn funny.

Also wanted to get my picks up so I could at least keep that going for now. Did better last week, going 3-3. Maybe I won't be completely embarrassed by doing this after all...then again...

Miami (-2) over Virginia Tech (Alright, I'm on the UM bandwagon, they will abruptly implode)

Houston (-1) over Texas Tech (If this doesn't happen, Okla. St. was highly overrated)

California (-5.5) over Oregon (Jahvid Best is an absolute beast)

Atlanta (+4.5) over New England (Been riding the Falcons for a few weeks now)

Indianapolis (+2.5) over Arizona (Colts continue to find ways to win)

Detroit (+6) over Washington (Upset special! Lions break 19 game losing streak!)

NFL Thoughts and a Very Special Bonus Item

Ok, so if you are one of my readers who really hates football, you have my permission to skip right to the bottom for a can't-miss unveiling. Otherwise, please enjoy this post in its entirety.

So I’m actually “borrowing” this idea from ESPN the Mag. They occasionally run a item called “If Larry King wrote for us…”. Well, this is my interpretation and version of “If Larry King wrote about football…”. Hope you enjoy my/his thoughts and analysis on the season so far.

College

If the national championship rests on one ACL, it’s the one sitting inside USC RB Joe McKnight’s right knee….Whenever anybody asks me who my favorite ginger QB is, I always answer Georgia’s Joe Cox…If Ohio State never played Top 10 teams, they would win the BCS title every year!...I’ve been saying it for years, the major conferences need to watch out for that pesky Sun Belt…I’m not prone to hyperbole, but Tate Forcier is the best freshman QB to play for any team, ever…On a related note, Golden Tate is the greatest name that has ever graced the pages of a media guide…For my money, nothing is better than listening to Baylor’s “Old Fite” after a big touchdown.

NFL

If Derrick Brooks can’t find his way onto an NFL roster, then I really have no chance…Say what you will about his past failures, A.J. Feeley can’t possibly turn the ball over as much as Jake Delhomme…The most impressive thing I saw in week 1 was Brandon Stokley’s incredible route running ability!...Adrian Peterson could have had a very successful career modeling underwear or bending steel beams, we should all feel grateful he chose football…Forget the quarterbacks, what is the NFL going to do to protect the linebackers in this league!...If I had to pick one team to win more games than last year, I’m taking the Detroit Lions...I wish, just once, Tom Brady would come through on a game winning drive!

Picks

This is what I get for deciding to publish my picks on the Internet. A fabulous 1-5 week to start! To save some face. I did go 3-7 overall, but I put those 6 picks up because they were my “most confident.” Here we go for take two, hopefully I will do better or this part of the column might die an early death.

Nebraska (+5) over Virginia Tech (Time for the Huskers to re-establish dominance)

Utah (+5) over Oregon (Mid majors continue to haunt the Ducks)

Texas (-17.5) over Texas Tech (Revenge blowout special!)

Atlanta (-6) over Carolina (I again lean on my only winning team from last week)

Pittsburgh (-3) over Chicago (Yes, I’ve sold my soul to get a win this week!)

Oakland (+3) over Kansas City (Upset special!)

Ok, on to the Special Bonus promised. This guy I know, Jim, has some bands, and we decided to put a whole act together of two bands and a comedian (me), now called the Time Theft Phenomenon. We are pitching to some bars, and while we don't have anything confirmed yet, we definitely have some interest. To do this, Jim put together a CD of his bands playing and recorded a couple of tracks of me doing some of the first jokes I've put together. Now that I have some stuff recorded, I can finally share it with all of you. The track was only audio (and the laugh track was added by Jim), but I put it to some pictures and it is up on YouTube. Let me know what you think! I have more audios, but I'm not just giving these away, you got to earn it!

Breaking Up, Moving (On), & Starting a New Semester (Pt. 2)

Ok, welcome back to my life! I’ll get back to the sports and quirky posts soon, but as promised, here is part two of what has been going on with me lately.

So the new semester has started, and I am finally back to teaching my own class. It’s hard to believe its been 2 years since I’ve done so, but I find I’ve stepped back into it without much trouble at all. The material (research methods and design) is a little dry, but I spice it up as much as I can, add in some of my humor where possible, and the students seem to be engaged for the most part. Since I’ve never taught this full class before, it has taken me a fair amount of time to prep the classes and assignments, and the supervision portion of prepping the lab materials for TAs is more work than I anticipate (got a great group though, much love for any of my TAs reading this!). Bottom line, its great to be teaching again, and as much work and time as it takes, it feels like home to be in front of a classroom again. Can’t wait to do it for a real salary next year!

On that note, it is time for job applications again. Thus, on top of all this teaching, I am trying to finish up a couple of research projects and papers (so much fun!) to improve the resume and will soon be sending out a new batch of job applications. The market seems a little more open than last year (fingers crossed), and with another projects and service under my belt, I am hopefully an even more attractive applicant. I already sent out 2 apps to business schools with early deadlines (Cleveland St. & Illinois St.), and another group will be going out in the next 2-3 weeks. I will not bore you with every detail of what happens during this process, but I promise to keep everyone up-to-date on the big happenings. For those of you curious/worried about where I might be living next year, here are some of the upcoming openings I am most excited for, in no particular order: Univ. of Auburn (AL), Middle Tennessee State Univ. (tenure-track this time), University of Houston-Clear Lake, Texas State Univ.-San Marcos, Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis, Butler University (IN), and Towson University (MD). I also recently heard that Bowling Green is hiring a junior faculty this year, but I have not seen the official advertisement yet. Keep your fingers crossed for me. USF and grad school have been amazing, but I think its about time I graduate and get a J.O.B.

As an addendum to the last post, I realized something the other day. I've always said I'm very laidback person, and I really don't let things bother me. Part of me has always thought it is because I have been very fortunate in life, and part of why I am usually happy and upbeat is because my life is pretty darn good and always has been. And that is most certainly true. But maybe its time to finally stop looking at my life as lucky. A good friend recently reminded me that you make your own luck in life (and I truly believe he is starting to find his luck and am super happy for him). The recent events of my life haven't been perfect. I had to make possibly the toughest decision of my life in deciding against taking a pretty good job, went through a tough break-up, had to move into 2 apts in the span of 5 weeks, and have been extremely bogged down with a very large amount of work, just to name the big stuff. At one point, I stepped back and actually had the thought that all of this would have floored some people, and caused major distress for many others. But I never let it get me down because I know good stuff is just around the corner, and I just need to make it happen. It's just the way I've always been. As one of my favorite quotes says (from one Mr. Van Wilder): "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive." And I don't say all this to make myself look good or gloat or anything like that. I just felt I needed to say it outloud because someone recently tried to tell me that part of being an adult is not being able to just "go with the flow."But I don't think that's true...I think being an adult is planning what you can, dealing with things when they come up, and living with the decisions you make. "Isn't that what makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?" "Sure, that a pair of testicles."

I think that will do for now. Enough of the boring, dry stuff, I am going to post some more football picks/analysis on Friday if I have the time (which I won’t, but I’ll need a study break anyway). And if I can get the website I’m working on going the way I want, that post should include something fun as well.

2009 NFL Preview Extravagance

It’s that time again! In just a few hours, the new NFL season will begin, and it can’t come soon enough. I could probably write pages upon pages about the NFL or football in general, and I hopefully will throughout the fall/winter, but for the sake of brevity. I will give a quick preview of each division, predict a winner, give my wild card teams, pick the champions, and leave with some weekly picks against the spread (direct from one of my football pools). Special thanks to Jacob, thanks to his comments on the last post, I realized I could afford to get a DVR and HD signal to watch all these games in the glory they deserve. Why can't the rest of you be more helpful!?!

AFC East: New England Patriots

Too good, too talented, and too well-coached. Not to mention, who in this division can beat them. Miami is likely to regress after overachieving last year (ask the Browns how that works out), and Buffalo and the Jets have too many question marks.

AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers

The Super Bowl champs (damn that hurts to say) bring back pretty much everyone from last year. The Ravens will be tough on defense and make the playoffs, but won’t have enough to knock off the new Steel Curtain. The Browns avoid the cellar by one game over the hapless Bengals.

Bonus Browns Section: How do I think the Browns will do this year? I am going with an optimistic 7-9. I think Brady Quinn is going to be a very good quarterback in this league. I think there are some playmakers: hopefully Braylon, two young, fast RBs that Mangini will find a way to get on the field (James Davis, Jerome Harrison), and one of the rookie WRs (likely Mohamed Massaquoi, much love to my Bulldog fans out there!). The defense will be slightly improved. They will struggle early on against a brutal early schedule, but they find their stride late and win 4 of their last 6.

AFC South: Indianapolis Colts

I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of the teams in this division win it (even the Jags or the Texans). They all have playmakers, but they all have flaws. Colts are replacing a coach and a Hall of Fame receiver. Titans are counting on a 36-year-old QB to repeat a career year. Jaguars are a Maurice Jones-Drew injury from disaster, and the Texans are still quarterbacked by Matt Schaub last time I checked.

AFC West: San Diego Chargers

Another case of the best versus the rest. Denver is in shambles, Kansas City is in rebuilding mode and Cassell is already hurt, and the Raiders…well, they're the Raiders. Chargers get a bounce back year from LT, good production from backup Darren Sproles, and Philip Rivers becomes even more ungodly. Oh, and did I mention the physical freaks of nature they have defense? Some of them (Merriman, I’m looking at you) get so bored with football violence that they need to smack around bi-sexual MTV reality “stars.” Just kidding though, I’m siding with the Chargers LB over Tila on this one.

NFC East: Philadelphia Eagles

Michael Vick isn’t going to make the difference, but he will be an added playmaker. More importantly, McNabb finally has fast receivers and a backup RB for when Westbrook inevitably breaks down. Giants make the playoffs off their solid D and strong running game. Dallas and Washington overpay for 7-9/8-8 seasons as usual.

NFC North: Minnesota Vikings

I hate to even type that after the Favre situation. But I think their defense and the demi-god that is Adrian Peterson carry them to enough wins in what might be the toughest division in football. I would not surprised if the Vickings, Packers, or Bears won this division, or the even the NFC.

NFC South: New Orleans Saints

No team from the NFC South has ever repeated as NFC South champ, so that knocks out the Panthers. The Falcons are good team, but I see them making a slight regression like the Dolphins. The Saints offense is otherwordly. If their defense is even decent, they should be able to win this division. Sorry Bucs fans, that defense was finally deconstructed, and its time to start over.

NFC West: Seattle Seahawks

This division sucks. I’m sorry. It just does. I know the Cardinals made the Super Bowl last year, but only because they got hot at the right time. This year, I predict the Seahawks to stumble in based on good defense and relatively mistake-free offense…with a ripe record of 8-8.

AFC Wild Cards: Tennessee Titans, Baltimore Ravens

NFC Wild Cards: Green Bay Packers, New York Giants

AFC Championship: Chargers over Steelers

Come on, I couldn’t pick the Steelers to get back to the Super Bowl. I hate them too much.

NFC Championship: Eagles over Packers

No clear favorite in the NFC, so I go with the Iggles, who are due.

Super Bowl: Eagles over Chargers

Both these teams are due for a Super Bowl win. If this game actually happens, I will feel really bad for whoever loses. Here’s to assuming that these predictions will be completely off base. We’ll check back later in the season to be sure.

Picks of the Week: Assuming I post every week, I will try to include these at the bottom to see how poorly I can do. I give you a guarantee* that if you pick these games, you will win money 100% of the time.

*This is not a real guarantee and will not be honored in any way.

USC (-6.5) over Ohio St. (sorry fellow Buckeye fans, I just don’t see it)

Notre Dame (-3.5) over Michigan (in the Battle of the We-Used-To-Be-Relevant)

East Carolina (+6.5) over West Virginia (upset special!)

Atl (-4) over Mia (Matt Ryan & Michael Turner pick up where they left off)

NE (-10.5) over Buf (see above gushing paragraph about Patriots, oh I hate them)

StL (+8.5) over Sea (upset special!)

Breaking up, Moving (On), and Starting a New Semester (Pt. 1)

As promised, here is the first part of the mega-post of what is going on in my life. A lot has happened since the last time I actually had enough time to write a post (and to be real honest, I still don’t have the time, but I need a study break). I will split it into 2 (or maybe 3) separate entries to keep it manageable. The next part will be put up after I get back from a wedding in BG this weekend (of course, including details of that awesome event). I hope you give it a read though, as I know many people have been curious to how exactly I came to be sitting in my own apartment in Camden Live Oaks. And if you didn’t know that Abby and I broke up (or worse yet, didn’t know we were dating), then we don’t hang out nearly enough, and we should get together soon.

So yes, Abby and I broke up. I won’t get into too much detail because as much as I probably say more on this blog than I should, our personal business is our personal business. The basic premise is that living together shined a light on the fact that we just didn’t have the ability to live together. I thought I was doing everything I could to be the best co-habitator I could, since it was my first time living with a girlfriend. She, I assume, was trying to make it a comfortable experience for me as well. Nonetheless, we both felt out of place in our own home, which led to almost bi-nightly discussions. I am all about communication in a relationship for sure, but that is more often than one should be having state-of-the-relationship conversations. So in the end, she wanted to break up, and by then, I agreed with her that it was the right move. To answer the question that everyone either asks or is too tactful to ask, no, I don’t regret us moving in so soon. It was learning experience for me in a lot of ways, and we were confronted with issues that might have taken months or years to confront. Instead, we were able to get out with the least amount of pain and complications as possible.

That left me looking for a place on one week notice. I spent a full day going to several different places looking for affordable one bedrooms. Let me go ahead and tell you, unless you are willing to compromise the type of area you want to live in, “affordable one bedrooms” is an oxymoron. But I found a place at Camden Live Oaks (my 2^nd stint in that particular complex), that wasn’t too bad, and has free cable, which helps me save a few dollars. So I lived in our old apartment for a week (a week during which, despite having recently broken up with someone, I was actually quite happy, a fact that I think speaks volumes about this being the right move), and then moved all my stuff to this place during a surprisingly quick afternoon (special thanks to Jon, Alvin, & Jeff on that). I was actually able to pretty much get unpacked and settled in a day and a half (special thanks to Shyam & Lucky for donating their old futon which really helps “tie the room together”). And other than the large rent and full utility checks I write every month, I am absolutely loving living on my own! No offense to any of my former roommates out there, but at the ripe age of 27, it is nice to finally have my own place, and I don’t think I’m going to give it up until its time to move in with a fiancée (notice I didn’t say girlfriend for the next move-in experiment). As I get ready to head to the airport, let me leave with some of my favorite and least favorite things about living alone so far.

Things I Love About My New Apt

1. Leaving stuff where I want to for as long as I want

2. Doing whatever I want whenever I want

3. Related to #2, only wearing pants when I want

4. My own fridge, my own kitchen, no confusion about if something is mine, where a pan currently is, or bumping into people while cooking

Things I Less Than Love About My New Apt

1. My direct neighbor who has two small, very high-pitched dogs that bark at everything…all the time.

2. I’m not suppose to have a grill, I do anyway, but I hate having to hide it.

3. The free cable is great, but I miss my DVR. I’m not willing to pay for a full cable service just to have a DVR.

4. My own kitchen mentioned above happens to be pretty low on counter space, but I get by through being creative, and I may use the kitchen table in the other room if I have to.

YouTube Video of the Day

Ok, so I know this is a cop-out, but I feel like I haven't posted in a long time with all that's been going on, so I wanted to put something up for those of you who check back regularly. I am too busy with school for the next few days to put up anything of substance, but I promise a mega-article (probably a 2 or 3 parter) about my life and the big move will be posted by Monday at the very latest. In the meantime, for those of you who have never seen it (and of course for those who would love to watch it again!), I bring you the Winnebago Man. Give it the full watch, you won't be sorry.

The Greatness That Is Anberlin

I like to think that I stay somewhat ahead of the curve when it comes to music. I have hopefully brought you some songs and maybe even bands on here so far that you haven’t heard of or didn’t know much about. My favorite band is a very fluid notion, and I have gone through several in the last few years. I would say since 2005, at bare minimum, I went through a period when it was My Chemical Romance, and then it was Fall Out Boy for a bit (probably for their 2^nd run at the title). In recent times, I was getting more into classic rock, and I would say either Zeppelin or Floyd were it for a while. But recently, as I’ve really started to absorb their whole catalog, I realized that Anberlin is currently taking that crown. Many of you may not know who they are, and many others may only know their first really bit hit (finally!), Feel Good Drag (not to be confused with an earlier song of theirs: The Feel Good Drag, which is good, but not as great as the aforementioned hit). Their musical ability is incredible and their lyrics are modern poetry in both their ability to be insanely profound and nonsensical at the same time. A very large portion of their music seems to revolve around relationships, beginning, during, and end, which brings about the raw emotion that makes most great music. And thus, as a service to you, my loyal readers, here is a primer to get you started if you decide to immerse yourself in this amazing band (and really, what are you waiting for?).

Some Background:

Anberlin is an alternative rock band from Winter Haven, FL. That city was, up until last year, the spring training home of the Cleveland Indians, and is a scant 45 minute drive from Tampa. Serendipitous? I think so! They were formed in 2002 and signed with a semi-independent label: Tooth & Nail Records. The same label that has represents some my other favorite underappreciated bands, including: Hawk Nelson, Thousand Foot Krutch, FM Static, & The Almost. The majority of this information, by the way, is from Wikipedia, “so you know its good. 60% of the time, it works, every time.”

Album Reviews:

Blueprints for the Black Market (2003) – Ironically, this debut album is one that I’ve only recently absorbed. You can definitely hear the rawness and the band still trying to discover their sound. However, incredible songs like ‘Naïve Orleans’, ‘Cadence’, and ‘Autobahn’ still make this an incredibly worthwhile album.

Never Take Friendship Personal (2005) – The title track is definitely the star, and overall, probably my least favorite of the albums, but that honestly is not saying much since all of their albums rock. ‘A Day Late’ and ‘Audrey, Start the Revolution’ would be the other classics on this album.

Cities (2007) – What I would call their breakout album, despite them getting their first significant airplay from a song of their next album. This is the album that got me into these guys, and I honestly don’t remember how I originally got into them. I do remember that the first songs I had by them were ‘Fin’ and ‘Dismantle Repair’ and it steamrolled from there. I give you a 100% Guarantee that there is not a back track on this album.

New Surrender (2009) – This album is still new, but is a great follow-up to Cities. ‘Feel Good Drag’ had a great combination of catchiness and musical awesomeness to propel them into the radio scene. ‘Breaking’ is the 2^nd single set to be released from the album, so let’s see where that ends up. It’s a very capable song, to be sure, but I would like to see ‘The Resistance’ get some play soon as well.

Top 10 Songs by Anberlin:

1. Unwinding Cable Car

2. Fin

3. Adelaide

4. A Whisper and a Clamor

5. Never Take Friendship Personal

6. Naïve Orleans

7. A Day Late

8. Feel Good Drag

9. The Resistance

10. Autobahn

Just a few of their more profound lyrics (in my humble opinion)

“This is the correlation of salvation and love”

“I am the patron saint of lost causes”

“I want to be your last first kiss”

“As time seems to drip like Dali, and neither of us has a place to be”

Just In Case You Didn’t Hear…I Recently Received (and Rejected) a Job Offer :)

Alright, I know a lot of you have been waiting for a blog about my recent job offer, so without making this too boring for you with all the specifics, here is the gist of how I got (and then rejected) the offer.

As most of you know, I had given up on getting a job for the 2009-10 school year. Thus, I was very surprised to hear from Middle Tennessee State University exactly 2 weeks ago, that they wanted to talk to me about their temporary one-year opening. I was even more surprised (and flattered) when they offered me the position just 3 days later. And I was the most surprised that the offer was more viable then I would have expected that late in the year (mostly because it was an good I/O program that focuses on teaching and there was a chance of getting hired on as tenure-track). However, once the surprise and excitement of just getting any job offer after a year of rejection wore off, I realized it wasn’t the right opportunity for me at this juncture. There were several reasons for this decision, some of which included:

-I never got to visit or formally interview with the school, and it was hard to commit for a year (or beyond) that I had never been.

-I just moved in with the bestest girl in Tampa, why would I want to give that up to live by myself in a place where I don’t know anyone?

-I would have had to start about 3 weeks after I had gotten the offer.

-I would have had to teach 5 classes a semester (probably at least 3 different classes), leaving me only those 3 weeks to prep for said classes (while trying to organize a move, of course).

-I was (and am!) looking forward to spending one more year hanging with all you fantastic Tampa peeps who read this blog!

-Teaching so much would have severely limited ability to get more publications out and prep my job applications, which I would have needed to keep doing since I wouldn’t have been sure that the MTSU job was permanent.

-While the money offer was pretty good, once you took out taxes, moving expenses, paying for 1.5 apartments, plane tickets to see previously mentioned bestest girl and fantastic peeps, I really wouldn’t have made too much more than I will teaching 1 class a semester here.

-Not sure I could work at a school that actually uses the above mascot! (Kidding, of course)

So there you have it. My decision was made, with lots of support, advice, congratulations, and confirmation from many of you loyal readers. They really are a great school, and I hope that they open a tenure-track job that I can apply for this year. I am so happy that this decision is over though, and every day that goes by I am more and more sure I made the right choice. It is still nice to know that I am marketable enough to be get an offer, which makes me more confident that I will get a tenure-track job this coming year. I already have about 20 schools where I might apply, and more come out every day. So stay tuned, applications will be going out as soon as the end of this month and through October and beyond. I will keep you all posted on my top choices, and more importantly, schools that show interest in me!

My Life According to Fall Out Boy (plus Beards!)

Hello all! This post is inspired by my sister, Deann, who posted this theme quiz on Facebook, and I needed a distraction, so here you go! I chose Fall Out Boy (she used Tom Petty) because they have lots of fun song titles, which should make for some crazy answers.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me (presuming I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist
Fall Out Boy (by the way, I searched a lot of pics of Fall Out Boy, and I am pretty sure Pete Wentz demands that he never have wear a shirt in a picture)

Are you a male or female:
Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

Describe yourself:
The (After) Life of the Party

How do you feel:
I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None on My Finger

Describe where you currently live:
This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On a Bad Bet

Your favorite form of transportation:
Sending Postcards from a Car Crash (Wish You Were Here)

Your best friend?
She's My Winona

You and your best friends are:
Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes

What's the weather like?
Golden

Favorite time of day:
XO

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Champagne for my Real Friends, Real Pain for my Sham Friends

Your relationship:
It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I am Thinking I Must Be in Love

What is life to you:
Dance, Dance

Your fear:
Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over

What is the best advice you have to give:

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me


Thought for the Day:
The Pros & Cons of Breathing

How I would like to die:
Thks Fr Th Mmrs

My soul's present condition:
Homesick at Space Camp

My motto:Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows)

These are the last two pictures of the great beard re-growth of 2009. Both being taken exactly 2 weeks after I shaved it all completely off, the first pre-shave and the 2nd after I trimmed it up to its usually awesomeness! So apparently I can grow my beard back completely in 2 weeks...I don't know if I'm really excited or sad about that. Currently, I have some crazy stuff going on based on an unexpected job off, so expect a post next week once I sort it all out.

Hi, My Name is Joe, and I'm a Mac

For some reason this topic has come up a lot lately, and I realized how much I don’t like using PCs now when I was home for the 4^th and had to use my parents’ computers daily (one of which crashed due to a virus before I got back, shocking right?) So as a former Mac-hater turned Mac-peddler (the first one is free…OK, actually the first one is quite expensive), I wanted to weigh in on the issue. I want to start by saying that I have nothing against PCs. I realize they are cheaper, more readily available and compatible, and easier for people to use from their previous experience. However, I do want to try to educate a little about the advantages of a Mac for those who want to make outrageous (or even just rageous ones) claims about the Mac without ever having really given one a chance. I should give a shout out to Greg who is the one badgered me about Macs for years before I finally saw the light.

PC-user complaint #1: There is no right click mouse button.

Response: I know this one well, because it was one of my biggest complaints about Macs when I was against them in college (many of our library computers were Macs). This is just flat out not true, and I am pretty sure has not been for a while. I am surprised this perception still persists, but trust me, there is right click capability…I’m doing it right now…and it feels soooo gooood.

PC-user complaint #2: I am used to using a PC, and it will take me too long to get used to a Mac.

Response: A valid argument, and it took me several months to get completely used to the commands, key placements, and user interface. I didn’t even realize that I had really become Mac-dependent until it took me a second to oriented on my girlfriends PC a little while ago. Nonetheless, it is not that hard of a struggle. And just because interfaces were a certain way (the PC way) for so long, doesn’t make it right. You mean don’t have to time to get a used to an easier interface where everything is right at your fingers tips, where you can click and drag anything from folder to folder, internet to folder, internet to desktop, where everything is connected through USB ports and not a different one for the mouse, keyboard, printer, and storage drives, where…well, you get the point. Is your life really that busy that you can’t make a few wrong keystrokes now to save yourself days of time over the span of your life? Is it, really? I am sad for you…

PC-user complaint #3: They are not compatible with everything I use.

Response: I have found very few examples of this being true. I have/can run Microsoft Office, Acrobat Reader, Full Tilt Poker, Warcraft, Real Player, etc., and Quicktime is compatible with Windows Media Player files (you know, for all those “funny” videos you have stored deep in your computer). The only exception I can think of is that I couldn’t find a Mac version of SPSS for data analysis (and I’ve even been told recently that this might have changed). Anyways, even if something isn’t compatible, you can run Windows on your Mac OS operating system and boot the software onto there. I prefer to get the pure Mac experience, but to each their own.

PC-user complaint #4: They are too expensive.

Response: Not as expensive as PCs in the long run! Between 2000 and 2006, I bought 3 PC computers. Most of them were running so slow or poorly within a year, that I already wanted a new one. I have had my Mac for almost 2 years, and it is running basically as good as the day I bought it. Plus it comes with so many extras that PCs don’t to make up the cost. For example, it has a built in camera, which I’ve used more than I thought I would (not for that sickos, for posting beard pictures and eventually taping some comedy for all of you loyal readers). It has a 19” widescreen display that is great for watching DVDs, and the operating system actually runs smooth enough to make using it as a TV worthwhile.

Plus! Super-Fantastic Bonus Mac Advantages!

#1) iTunes. Even if you don’t have or want a Mac, please, please, please use iTunes. It is by far the best music organization and playing system. No, seriously, go get it now. You can come back to this.

#2) The iPod is directly compatible, which is of course the best music player on the market.

Carter Pewterschmidt: Hey, Bill, can you help me program my Zune.

Bill Gates: Sure!

Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh wait, I have an iPod like the rest of the world!

#3) My Mac asks for a password to install any program that executes, limiting the chances of viruses.

#4) I can’t say it never crashes or runs slow, but it is very rare, and easier to correct.

#5) Justin Long is way awesomer than that guy with the glasses on the commercials.

#6) I can’t say I get no spyware, but I get very, very little comparatively.

#7) Stickies! Post-it notes. On your desktop. Nuff’ said.

#8) You can sound cool and condescending to people who don’t own one! J What?!? If PC commercials can say they aren’t cool enough to own a Mac, then that gives us a right to say it too, right?

I feel like I should get a royalty for writing that or something! I would feel like a corporate shill except that I didn’t get paid a dime for that (so far), I did it out of the kindness of my heart to help you. Um, you’re welcome.

Moving, Twitts, & a Beard Update

Hey all, I haven’t been able to post this past week because Abby and I have been busy moving into our new apartment. Although I did have my computer set up on an end table from day 1 (I can’t live without constant internet at this point), I just got my desk setup.

We were welcome to our new place by a window covered in flies, a crap-ton of bugs in the kitchen, and a broken alarm system that would not stop beeping. Nonetheless, we persevered and have since killed all the flies, used traps, exterminators, and cleanliness to limit the bug population, and the alarm system is up and running. After an entire day of moving on Saturday (special thanks to Ben, Kyle, and Abby’s fam) and 5 days of organizing the apartment, it is now completely livable and almost fully functioning. We are hoping to have it all done by this weekend, so we can relax, and then I can get down to some hardcore work and job search prep starting next week.

FYI, I finally gave in and started “twitting” (I refuse to use the term “tweet). If you use Facebook, my updates go on there as my status. But if you are a Tweeple (and yes, that is the official term, I looked it up), you can login and follow me at http://twitter.com/Mazzter4l.

Finally, the great beard grow back is in full swing. I am trying to see how quickly I can regrow it back to its previous majesty. I of course mean how I usually wear it, not the supreme awesomeness of my redneck beard (although I have not ruled out that making a comeback at some point). I'm thinking I can pull it off in about 2 weeks, but we shall see. This is what it looks like after 6 days. That's a little bit of the new place in the background there as well.

Boredom and a Razor

Yes, boys and girls, this is what happens when you are bored and you have a razor at your disposable.

I had planned on shaving off the beard for awhile now, so I figured it would be more fun if I shaved a crazy redneck mustache first. Now, its completely shaved off, and I already want to grow it back, since I look 12! I kinda forgot that's why I grew the beard in the first place!

July 4th: The Recap

Abby and I got back from our trip to C-town this week (she came back Monday, I returned on Wednesday). It turned out to be a fun and eventful trip in which I accomplished no work (a stated goal) and probably ate and drank a little too much (more of a by-product). Here are the highlights:

1. Abby met the parents (which went very well), and we told them that we are moving in together (which went well after some initial surprise). She also met most of the extended family, which must have been somewhat stressful for me, but she persevered. They all seemed to approve as well.

2. Went to a restaurant called “Melt” which sells upscale “grilled cheese” sandwiches and high-end beer. I enjoyed some Spinach Artichoke Dip, the Hot Italian Sandwich (I won’t even insult you by making the obligatory jokes about my man meat…but I’m sure you can imagine a few that are rattling in my head), and a few Bells Oberons to wash it down. Got to see Aaron and his girlfriend, which was a nice added bonus.

3. Introduced Abby to the movie “Goodfellas.” She thought it was a little too violent (which of course it is, that’s half the appeal), but overall thought it was an interesting story.

4. Watched Joey Chestnut win the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the 3^rd straight year. Since I am usually sitting around waiting to BBQ, I try to watch this event every year. I love it! I especially like when they list all of the foods each contest is champion of (did you know there are contests for oysters, jalapeno peppers, and just about any pie flavor you can imagine?). Nonetheless, I feel we base a little too much national pride in whether an American can eat more hot dogs than anyone else in the world. It’s just another way to prove that we are bigger fat asses than the rest of the world.

5. Went to Little Italy for lunch. Had amazing cavatelli and probably the best meatballs I have ever eaten. Also introduced my Dad to Chimay beer, which he enjoyed despite him being most a light beer/Blue Moon guy. Before lunch, we stopped into what we would later find out was an upscale establishment for a drink and a quick pee. After we paid $50 for 5 drinks, I wish I had actually peed on something of value, so I would have felt like I got my money’s worth.

6. Greg came over for one of our BBQ’s and brought his Cornhole set. I haven’t played in awhile, and I don’t think my uncle Keith has ever played. Nonetheless, our team went 6-0 thanks to our commitment to consistency and few great bounces.

7. Got to catch up with Joe Gags after what seems like forever. The first few seconds of our excursion to Boston Market were pretty much the most insane thing ever. I can’t explain it, but it involved me trying to mumble an order and us not being able to stop laughing for 5 minutes.

8. Finally, took a trip to Mountaineer casino with my Dad. Sat down at poker for about 4 hours and played some real solid poker. Made a couple of tough calls when people were trying to push me around. Ended up making $220, getting another $40 from Let It Ride (my fav table game despite its horrible odds), before dropping back down to $100 after a tougher night session of poker. Also, ate an incredibly delicious bacon and blue cheese burger. All and all, a fun and profitable evening.

Overall, the trip was a lot of fun, involved a lot of great family & friends, I ate a lot of incredible food (already looking forward to going back to the Corkscrew restaurant we went to the last night), and imbibed in a few libations. Look forward to getting back in the groove, which really won’t happen until after this weekend when the big move is completed.

25 Random Things...Revisted

I'll try not to make a habit of this, but I wanted to post something for you all before I left for Cleveland tomorrow, and I don't particularly have anything new to say. Therefore, I am reposting the 25 Random Things survey I took on Facebook awhile back, with some changes/additions to bring it up to date and spice it up for those who already read it. For those of you waiting for a comedy show, I am going to use the downtime on the plane home to refine some jokes and come up with some new ones. I want to work on honing them and working on the delivery after a 2nd small show that didn't go as well (but I realize that will happen if I decide to continue this and I learned two very key lessons: a) Don't do comedy after more than 3 beers and b) Pay attention to your material and not the audience's faces: yeah, I'm looking at you two :P). I'm planning the big "just-for-friends" debut in mid-July!

1. I am absolutely obsessed with Cleveland Sports, and if you’ve known me more than 2 hours, you probably know that.

2. I quote movies and television shows a lot, and if you've known me for more than 10 minutes, you probably know that.

3. I am generally upbeat and positive person; it takes a lot to get me upset, sad, or mad.

4. I am attempting to take up stand-up comedy. I am enjoying coming up with jokes and working on my delivery, but it has its ups-and-downs.

5. I purchased a guitar about 5 months ago and am trying to learn. After some initial success, I have not been practicing as much, and I am putting most of that time into my comedy now. Can't tell if I'm just multi-talented, or if I just have ADD when it comes to hobbies.

6. I had a blanket growing up that had Winnie the Pooh on it. I don’t remember when I stopped sleeping with it, but it was probably later than it should have been. My Mom got sick of having to sew it back together and threw it away at some point.

7. I can’t get enough of Rock of Love and Real World/Road Rules Challenges, and I don’t care who knows it. I pretty much hope Bret Michaels never finds love, I would miss those crazy bitches.

8. I lost track of what was going on in LOST (no pun intended) about 2 seasons ago, but I don’t care, its still the best show on television. The final season better end well, or I may cry.

9. My very first concert was Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace), it was a present for my 2^nd grade birthday. My second was (MC Hammer).

10. My third (and first one where I bought the tickets) concert was Metallica in High School, needless to say my tastes shifted a little around junior high.

11. I ran hurdles for the Track team in HS, and I was the MVP of the sprinters my senior year. On the flip side, I was 0-3 on making the basketball team.

12. I played just about every sport except soccer growing up. I started playing soccer in my sophomore year of college, now it's the only sport I play regularly.

13. My teachers in first and second grade were nuns.

14. I used to be an altar boy (boy serves the priest during mass, insert obligatory Catholic priest joke here) and a lector (person who reads stuff at mass) in grade school. I went on several retreats and even led one in HS. Now I am, for lack of a better term, an atheist. 12 years of Catholic school will do that for you.

15. My celebrity obsessions are Elisha Cuthbert, Evangeline Lilly, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Hayden Panettiere…

16. Fine…and LeBron James.

17. I was up for a job at Kennesaw St. that I really wanted but did not get last year. However, if I did get it, I would most likely not have met my wonderful girlfriend. That's how life runs sometimes.

18. When I was a kid, one birthday I got a whole bunch of He-Man action figures and the Castle Greyskull set to play with them in….I almost never played with them because the castle (in the shape of a skull) freaked the crap out of me.

19. I eventually want to visit the following places: Italy, Sicily, Amsterdam, Australia, and possibly Ireland.

20. I am published in the Journal of Addictive Behaviors. Hopefully soon in a few others.

21. My highest ever bowling score is 214, back when I used to play in a league. I literally hit 199 about 4 times before I broke through and got that 214.

22. I am pretty serious about my exercise and eating routines. I like to think that I get off the train right before obsessive, but its hard to tell from the inside.

23. When I was really little, I was bit by a goat. Thus, making me jumpy around all animals for a very long time. (That’s call stimulus generalization for those of you not in Psychology !)

24. I have 461 "friends" on Facebook. When the hell did that happen???

25. If its a dorky game involving orcs, magic, and numbers, I've probably played it for a short time (e.g., Dungeons & Dragons, Magic: The Gathering, World of Warcraft). I think the quick strategy and math appeals to my ADD brain, but the sticking with it long enough to master it (and thus give up any semblance of cool I may have left) does not.