You Know What Really Grinds My Gears...

With apologies to the episode of Family Guy that I borrowed this from, as well as both Mark Barlow and Andy Rooney, whom they stole the concept from in the first place, I thought it would be fun to vent some random (and hopefully funny) people, places, and things that annoy me. If you personally do or are responsible for anything that shows up on this list, cut it the f*ck out!

1. People who wear sandals/flip-flops to the gym. Seriously, how much can you really accomplish anything with something other than tennis shoes. I usually spend much of the time they are there hoping that they severely twist an ankle or drop a heavy weight on their foot.

2. People who wear any/way to much cologne/perfume to the gym. Who are you trying to impress? It’s a gym! If you are doing it correctly (which would lead to you looking and feeling better, and then being able to impress people when it might matter), you are going to be sweaty and stink. Sorry, it’s the nature of a good workout. Meanwhile, I have to spend my entire workout trying to hold my breath, kind of hard to do when you are working out hard.

3. Female stand-up comedians. I’m sorry, but with very limited exceptions, they are not very funny. I have no explanation for this phenomenon. (FYI, the person pictured below is NOT one of those exceptions).

4. Poorly timed traffic lights. If you want me to follow traffic laws, you need to create a left turn arrow at a busy intersection that allows more than 2 cars to go through legally!

5. Camera-enforced lights. While we are on the subject, if I try to sneak through a red light, and a cop has been sitting there, and I get tagged, I’m alright with that. Kudos to him, he won a most excellent game of hide-n-seek. However, if I am able to make it through said intersection, and no such officer is there to immediately punish me, there is no way in hell they should have the right to cowardly send me a ticket several weeks later.

6. The general lack of turn signals used these days. When did common courtesy and safety go out of style? I didn’t get that memo. Apparently nowadays, you can just go ahead and start a slow turn in front of me, and its my responsibility to determine that this is what you are doing before we collide, and you sue me for whiplash that didn’t actually occur.

7. Shady ambulance chasing lawyers. I saw a commercial the other day where a lawyer says “just because you didn’t report an injury at the scene, doesn’t mean you can’t get the compensation you deserve.” Translation: “Just because you weren’t shady enough to make up an injury right after your accident, its not too late to swindle someone out of their hard earned money!”

8. People who take more than their allotted amount of seat or armrest on a plane. When I pay for a seat, I am entitled to at least one armrest and all the hypothetical space in front of and above my seat. Which means there is no reason your elbows should be 3 inches past what I am graciously calling your armrest.

9. The BCS system. If I was TCU, I would be pissed that I might go undefeated against a solid schedule and have absolutely zero chance of making the national championship. If I was Boise State, I would be pissed that I could go undefeated and not even make a BCS bowl, especially after beating Oklahoma the only time they were granted such a “privildege’!

10. People who don’t agree with me on these issues! I stayed with pretty safe subjects this time around; just wait until next time I pull out this theme! J