Truth & Myths About Cleveland (Pt. 2)

The 2^nd of the two Cleveland “tourism” videos seems a bit more mean-spirited in my opinion, but since native Clevelanders made these, I guess I can’t take much offense. Once again, we will delve deep into the “accusations” made by this video, posted below.

Statement: Under construction since 1868.

Verdict: Myth! While orange barrels are the official tree of Ohio, there was a brief period during the Great Depression when no one could afford to build anything, and thus, nothing was officially under construction. 

Statement: Come see our river that catches on fire…

Verdict: Truth! The Cuyahoga river has actually caught fire 13 times! The most famous one being in 1969, but on the bright side, it did spur several federal protective measures including the Clean Water Act of 1972. 

Statement: …it’s so polluted that all our fish have AIDS.

Verdict: Myth! Fish can’t get AIDS, and if they could, they would be very unlikely to get it from polluted rivers. This is to say nothing about Herpes Simplex II. 

Statement: We see the sun almost 3 times a year.

Verdict: Myth! While my dad would swear this is true, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration says that Cleveland has 66 sunny days a year (which doesn’t even include those glorious partly cloudy days!). Suck it, Buffalo (54)! For the record, Tampa has 101…why did I move here again? 

Statement: The Flats look like a Scooby Doo ghost town.

Verdict: Truth! The Flats used to be the go-to downtown hot spot. I even remember reading when I was a kid that NBA players (including one Chuck Barkley) loving being in Cleveland on road games just to go there. However, it got sketchy, as many of these areas do, a nicer version was built, and now there is basically nothing there. Plus, all the colorful old buildings make it look very Scooby Doo. 

Statement: Don’t slow down in East Cleveland or you’ll die.

Verdict: Myth! This is a sweeping over exaggeration. However, coming to a complete stop in certain areas of East Cleveland will almost certainly get you mortally wounded. 

Statement: Our economy is based on LeBron James.

Verdict: Truth! And how! I can think of much worse things to have your economy based on! He brings in a lot of money both nationally and locally, and he gives back to his community. It can’t be so bad to hook all our hopes and dreams on one person, can it? It’s not like he could leave us. Can he? No seriously, can he? 

Statement: We’re so retarded that we think this is art.

Verdict: Truth! I have never understood that stupid “FREE” statue, but it definitely the most famous piece of art in Cleveland. Fortunately, our art museum is actually pretty well-respected, so we are not completely uncultured….just a little confused maybe. 

Statement: At least we’re not Detroit!

Verdict: Truth! Hate to kick a city when their down, but I will always be glad that we aren’t Detroit. Oh well, they’ll always have the Red Wings, right Kyle? 

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed are time together today, and I hope you learned a little something too. Cleveland isn’t so bad. Sure it has its share of poverty, crime, pollution, and of course, crippling depression. But 1 out of every 5.53 days, the sun comes out, and you forget all those things for a few fleeting moments, and think to yourself there’s at least 3 to 5 worse cities to live in.  I’m just playing, Cleveland, you know I love you.